Suppressed – The Grass Growing On A Graveyard
Just below the hollowed ground we tread upon from day-to-day lies a secret so protected that not even the one who buried it remembers it is there. Unlike a skeleton in a closet that is stashed in a back corner of a dark room, this secret was not hidden with ‘bad’ intentions. No, it was hidden in an effort to continue living as though nothing ever happened. Every effort was taken to conceal it, all the way up to the grass planted above to hide what lies beneath. A crime committed by the hands of one, but covered up by the hands of another, now lost in a field of forgotten corpses left to rot under our feet. How can one find the culprit when even the culprit himself doesn’t remember what has been done?
One day I sat down with my Fiancé, Elaine, (Or wife, depending on when you read this.) to have a nice movie night. We put on her favourite movie, “The Great Gatsby” and began to watch. Elaine loves this movie (and book) because of its deep symbolism in how your lifestyle will lead to your future. I have seen this movie with her before, and though its references can be bold, I had no issues watching it; But this time was different. The first half of this movie is filled with partying, affairs, and tons of alcohol. I don’t know if you know this about me or not, but I grew up with an alcoholic mother whom I tended to while my dad worked long hours. I don’t say this to bash my mother, I love her dearly, I say that for simply this reason: I have a hard time with anything related to alcohol. It’s hard for me to even be around it still to this day.
As we watched and the story unfolded I began to feel a sense of dread in my mind. It was like a dam broke and a river poured back into my head, flooding me with all the emotions I once harbored on a daily basis. It was so bad that Elaine quickly picked up on it, turned the movie off, and opened our Bible laying nearby. In this moment, something as simple as a movie reached through into my mental ground and scraped the surface enough to uncover a grave disguised to blend in with the rest of my thoughts. It “scraped the grass off the grave” you could say. Now I sat vulnerable, facing a rotting corpse that I buried with my own hands and left to rot away. I may have not killed that emotion, but I covered it up in an attempt to forget. What I failed to realize is that it takes a lifetime for something to decay in the earth, and that lifetime was my own. So I had to buckle down, get real, and deal with it the way I should have years ago when I buried it so as to not have to live with the rest of my life.
We all have things we suppress. Hurts, fears, heartaches, failures, phobias, and more are cast into a pit and covered over in an attempt to forget and move on. We blow it off as though it never happened or worse, that we “overcame” it, but in reality we just suppressed it to the point of forgetting its existence ourselves. The problem lies in the fact that no matter how green the grass looks on the surface, our emotions are eroding below. If this is left untreated we will soon be living on hollow ground, destined to cave in.
Sometimes it doesn’t take much to uncover a grave. It only took two passes of a movie to uncover this particular one with me, which in reality means that it wasn’t buried very deep. There are others though, that are buried far deeper. We may have spent years digging the pit blindly believing that the deeper we bury it, the “more gone” it is. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Our mind is the grounds in which we bury our burdens. It does not matter how deep, wide, or far the grave is placed, it is still placed within our mind. One might even argue that the deeper a grave is placed, the closer it is to the core of who we are. If this is true, and I believe it is, than these deep things are slowly rotting the foundation of who we were created to be. What is even scarier is how long these things can go unnoticed. We have even gone as far as to develop quick responses to those things that scratch the surface. Things we do out of a mechanical reaction we fabricated long ago to protect what we deemed as “untouchable”. We make comments like “this used to bother me but not anymore,” or “ I don’t have a problem with this but I know someone else who does”. We even go as far as to use God as an excuse claiming His deliverance when in reality it is He who is attempting to dig up the grave. We fool ourselves into submission to a lie out of a fear of being deemed as weak or unqualified.
Let me tell you this and please let this sink deep in your heart; Deeper than any grave. No one is qualified. If you think your hurts make you less of a person or weakens the impact you can have, I strongly urge you to think again. We all have things buried beneath the surface. The true test comes when those things are uncovered and how you deal with them now. Fear tells us to quickly cover these things back up as to not disturb the peace but God tells us to uncover them so they cannot harm us anymore. We cannot carry the ghosts of our past into our futures. It is easier to cover these things back up that to remove them, but I promise you, If you take the time to remove them the first time something scratches that surface, it will position you into a place of true victory, not just part of some grand cover up. Victory is yours, all you have to do is dig.
Did this resonate with you? What grave have you covered up? How has uncovering it positively impacted your life? I would love to hear more from you! Feel free to comment below.
I want to give a shout out to Elaine Peterson at theprodigaldaughter.com, Bryan Parady at directorb.net, and Heather Parady at heatherparady.com for helping to inspire this post from a conversation we all had regarding past hurts and what triggers them. I urge everyone to check out their work.